Newsletter for Monday, April 01, 2013
Issue: 453

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The Next Generation of Gaming is Coming, and its Name is Q-Next
Hex Games today announced the upcoming release of Q-Next, the updated version of QAGS (the Quick Ass Game System).

What is Q-Next? Hex Games Chief Operating Officer Steve Johnson explained as he stepped down from his Segway, “It’s the next step, basically. We had QAGS, then QAGS Second Edition, but now it’s time to go farther. It’s time for a paradigm shift. We’re changing the way we think about gaming.”

“We’re thinking outside the box,” added Hex Creative Director Leighton Connor, as he took a sip of his Starbucks latte. “Not only that, but we blew the box up. We are strictly anti-box.”

“We have a No Box policy,” Johnson said, pointing to a sign on the wall. The sign did in fact have a picture of a box, with a large red X over it. “We had to shelve all our old thinking, to remake our product into something edgier. We’re not just reaching out to traditional gamers. . . we want to reach young people who are into snowboarding, who have piercings and tattoos.”

“I have a tattoo,” Connor said, rolling up his sleeve to show it off.

“Basically, this is not your daddy’s role-playing game,” Johnson said. “RPGs have traditionally been aimed at the ‘Mountain Dew and Cheetos’ crowd, but Q-Next is more for people who are into Red Bull and Extreme Doritos. This is fresh. This is hip. This is happening. This is now.”

As part of its mission statement to embrace the new millenium, Q-Next features a dynamic new user interface that no longer requires the Jam Master (formerly “Game Master”) and the Bros (formerly “Players”) to be in the same room. “We see this as the kind of game you can play over MySpace or Friendster,” said Outreach Director Ian Engle. “Totally Web 2.0 stuff.”

The Q-Next Core Rule Set will roll out in a series of seven full-color hardcovers--which will eventually be collected in the Q-Next Deluxe Special Edition Box Set--beginning with the Jam Master’s Guide in September. In addition to these books, fans will also be able to purchase the new Q-Next line of collectible miniatures, a crucial part of the Q-Next combat system.

But the Q-Next Core Rule Set is only the beginning. Once all seven volumes have been released, the Q-Next supplement line kicks off with Juggalomancer, which introduces another revolutionary new magical tradition to the Hex Ficton. According to lead developer Carter “Crazee 2 C” Newton, who has already started immersing himself in Juggalo culture, “This [expletive deleted] game’s gonna be a [expletive deleted] miracle, man. I mean it’s got [expletive deleted] magnets and giraffes and all kindsa [expletive deleted]. It’s gonna blow your [expletive deleted] mind, yo!”

Next, Rasslin’ meets River Monsters in Colin Thomas Presents X-Rodz. “We’ve always wanted to do a QAGS supplement about fishing, but could never really figure out how to make it work,” said Hex Operations Director Steve Johnson. “Then one day [Assistant Creative Director] Josh Burnett and I were playing foosball in the Employee Inspiration Lounge and realized that with the Universal Rasslin’ League [from previous Hex release Colin Thomas Presents Rasslin’] doing so well, the URL’s Mr. Colin Thomas would want to expand his empire. The obvious choice was for him to take all the things that make professional wrestling so popular and apply it to the world of tournament fishing. It’s kind of like Moby-Dick with Hulk Hogan in the role of Ahab.”

Finally, Leighton Connor revisits the world of the 2009 Hex release Laser Ponies in the sure-fire smash hit Raver Ponies. “The first book was geared toward kids, so a lot of the focus was on the kind of adventures younger ponies would have,” said Connor. “This takes a look into the life of the teen and young adult ponies, especially the nightlife. In this supplement we get to explore more adult subject matter, like pony sex and drug use, that we weren’t really able to touch on in the first book.”

“Those are the initial releases,” Connor added, “but there’s plenty more to come. It’s safe to say that QAGS fans--or, as we like to call them, ‘Quizzles’--will be extremely pleased. Although I can’t announce anything official at this time, I can whet your appetite with a few tantalizing titles. Get ready for Sk8ter Boiz Vs., Real Worlds: Role-Playing in the World of Reality TV, Tweet Wars, Parkour: The Role-Playing Game, and Crunkcore Cyborgs. It’s going to be off the hook.”
Posted on:
2013-04-01 00:26:06
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Keith W. Sears
GPA Online Services